@HiddleDeeDee: If it seems as though I love the dog more than you, kids, well that's because he doesn't have homework I need to help him with.
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@abbycohenwl: Mom: Help! Is anyone here a doctor? Vet: I treat horses but maybe i can help M: My son broke his leg! V: Ok hang on. My rifle's in the truck
@CraigChamberlin: Apparently "What inning is it?" is not a valid Football related question. Sports are hard.
@truegritrumble: ME: *pleased* Honey, I folded the dishes. WIFE: M: W: The laundry. M: No the dish... W: M: W: What? M: We need new dishes.
@citizenkawala: Married With Children is a hilarious sitcom until you’re 35 and realise it’s a chilling documentary.