@HiddleDeeDee: If it seems as though I love the dog more than you, kids, well that's because he doesn't have homework I need to help him with.
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@Philosopherbing: Actual warning I saw in a pamphlet: "You may be at risk for throat cancer if you have a throat or mouth." Oh shit....
@AlexvanBeek: When someone tells me how old their kid is in months, I ask them to rephrase it in days, so they know what I just went through.
@ramblinma: I want my kids to have a fun childhood, but like a lazy, quiet kind of fun that doesn't cost anything.