@HiddleDeeDee: If it seems as though I love the dog more than you, kids, well that's because he doesn't have homework I need to help him with.
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@TeeJayRush: Just got a Life Alert bracelet. Now, if I get a life, I'll immediately be alerted...
@Brianhopecomedy: I told my wife that she was sounding like her mother and I realized that was a mistake after I regained consciousness.
@GingerHotDish: Excuse me lady, either your baby is crying or your tea is ready...regardless, fix that shit.