@HiddleDeeDee: If it seems as though I love the dog more than you, kids, well that's because he doesn't have homework I need to help him with.
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@sammyrhodes: "You know what would make a good gift for this 3yr old? A harmonica." - people without kids
@SwirlySkittles: Playing Tubular Bells to end the baptism wasn't quite the closing my aunt was looking for but in my defense it did clear out the church.
@KyleMcDowell86: "Is Phil coming tonight?" "Phil Smith or Phil that has the eyesight of a bird?" *suddenly a man runs face first into the sliding glass door*
@Tharin_P: Brain: he must study-how? *Hormones raise hand* H: we could hit him with pimples, kill the social life? B: *whispers* It's for his own good.