@WilliamAder: If it wasn't for the 140 character limit, I'd be on Chapter 27 of my first tweet right now.
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@iGreenMonk: I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. Honest, I only meant to rough him up a bit.
@NewDadNotes: [NASA March 1970] Me: 13’s unlucky. What if something bad happens? NASA: dude why would you say that out loud!?! [NASA April 1970] [everyone in the Apollo 13 Mission Control slowly turns to look at me]
@brendohare: DATE TIP: Hold doors. Pull the chair out for your date. Burp your date. Change your date oh god you are on a date with a baby ok stay cool
@TheMichaelRock: It's not really a random act of kindness if you planned it, photographed it, and posted it to social media.