@Kneevyl: If it weren't for dating sites, I'd still have some self-esteem. Thank God, it's all gone now.
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@ThRealBallsDeep: *Makes sure the new girl at work sees how much pineapple I eat at lunch* *winks*
@AimeeHelene1: Would I miss my leg or my arm more? (me, lying in bed, deciding which to put outside the blanket for the monster under the bed to rip off)
@dshack8: Hell hath no fury like that of a woman waiting for you to reply to her text all the while she sees you're continuing to send tweets.
@Parkerlawyer: In 5th grade the boy I had a crush on called me on the phone and told me he loved me...then screamed April Foooools and hung up. It took me 34 years but jokes on you, Chris. I don’t even like you that much anymore.