@NakedHangover: If it's true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
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@kumailn: It's fine to eat chicken with skin but serve beef with skin and everybody just starts freaking out.
@rdthought: Girlfriend: Stop lying around on the couch all day. Me: But you said we needed to start conserving energy.
@man_spach: It's ok Apple users, I just woke up and found a surprise Nickelback album on my BlackBerry.
@DanMentos: just taught my 3yo to sing "if you're happy and you've no wit, clap your hands" and then laugh at the people clapping