@NakedHangover: If it's true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?
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@bridger_w: In time, the dust settled, and the dust took a job it hated and married someone it could barely tolerate
@dafloydsta: Not to brag, but I always go to the hottest cashier at the store and she always checks me out.
@SufficientCharm: 6am: Too tired 8am: This isn't so bad 1pm: OMG so tired 5pm: zombie 8pm: Dead 10pm: LETS SWIM THE ENGLISH CHANNEL & OVERTHINK FOR HOURS
@AtticusFinch79: [McDonald's drive thru] ME: i'd like a happy meal with a coke HIM: will that be a regular coke or an eight ball?