@TomTheWicked: If I've learned anything from Twitter, it's that you shouldn't be learning on Twitter.
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@Home_Halfway: "Can I buy you a drink?" Sure! What's your name? "Uhh. I don't know. I never get this far" You don't know your name? *sweats* Pants are cool
@Tmoney68: "Congratulations on the baby! Childbirth is so beautiful!" - Someone who has clearly never witnessed the birth of a child.
@themiltron: [working at Bed Bath & Beyond] ME: Hi there, may I help you? What are you looking for? CUSTOMER: Shower head. ME: Sir, please, we just met.