@TomTheWicked: If I've learned anything from Twitter, it's that you shouldn't be learning on Twitter.
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@jonnysun: lets play cops & robbers! ok! i'll be robber! i'll be cop! *robber hides* *cop just starts wrestling all the black kids in the neigborhood*
@k_lli: My favorite part of the holiday party is getting to meet my coworkers' dates & find out who chooses to put up with these people for free.
@bobvulfov: FACEBOOK: yo remember ur ex from 2 years ago? look at this photo of u together ME: facebook no FACEBOOK: k heres ur dog who died 5 years ago
@ericsshadow: [first date] I'm really nervous about this. It's been a long time since I've [holds fork up and squints] used silverware.