@GrrrRach: If Jehovah's witnesses brought red wine and Pringles with them, I'd gladly let them in to spend an afternoon chatting about religion.
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@Test_of_Steron: Husband: I called my boss "Honey" today. Wife: What? Why? H: He was shouting at me and telling me I was wrong, and it just slipped out.
@lilgapeach30: 8 *walks into the house with covered in mud* Me: MY LORD 8: well that's a nice way to greet me but no, just your son.
@slimmy_shady: I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks. So if you're swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
@mikeleffingwell: It's weird how after they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together the King's men were like "Let's give the horses a shot at it"