@themorris23: If Jesus came back today, hipsters would be like "whatever Jesus, the book was better."
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@QwertyJones3: [College admissions office] "Sorry sir you can't transfer your street cred for college credits" ME: that's wack
@Smug_Lemur: Anyone who says living well is the best revenge has clearly never relocated a bat colony while their enemy was at work.
@fro_vo: Cap: good morning Avengers let's begin Iron Man: wait spider-man is missing Open Mouth Man: weird he was here when i went to sleep last nite
@TheQuietPsycho: Find a person who wants to do everything w you... ...and fix them up w someone else. You don't need someone that exhausting in your life