@themorris23: If Jesus came back today, hipsters would be like "whatever Jesus, the book was better."
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@xofreckles: Once, I got pulled over because a cop thought my car was on fire but really it was just my hair flying out the sunroof.
@BruceForce: Why the hell do they call it fruit punch, like where do they get "punch" fr.. *gets knocked out by a grapefruit*
@dreadnaught69: I was pretty sure you were the wrong kind of crazy. Then you used "luckfully" in a tweet and removed all doubt.
@vexroid: Cell phone. Recliner. Beer. Not at work. This homeless guy is living the dream from what I can tell.