@ANastyGorilla: If Justin Beiber and Rebecca Black were both drowning and you could only save one, would you grab a bite to eat or finish mowing the lawn?
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@KentWGraham: I hate when I’m running on the treadmill for half an hour and look down to see it’s been 4 minutes.
@justabloodygame: [throwing a party] I invited Judas. That okay? "Judas from IT, or the guy who betrayed Jesu-" *loud knock* "It's the Roman legion. Open up!"