@SSDated: If Kevin Bacon never said "want some bacon with your eggs" to a lonely chick in a bar, life just doesn't make sense anymore.
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@bridger_w: I caught my insane ex going through my garbage, but I guess that's what I get for dating a raccoon.
@notacroc: WIFE: don't be weird at the party tonight ME: am i ever weird? [dinner party] CHERYL: how's the soup taste? ME: like the blood of my enemies
@joci2203: I drank my recommended amount of water today, yay! Okay, well there was some vodka mixed in every cup, but still.