@xysist: If Kim and Kanye name their next kid North West again, we can comfortably refer to the two as One Direction.
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@HatesNiceThings: If my pizza delivery guy isn't blasting Lionel Richie's "Hello" from his car when he rings my doorbell, I make him go back and start over.
@StinkyGr33n: Also, those little Swiss Army knives are great when you need a tiny pair of scissors to open your Gummi Bears like some kind of crack head.
@DrDogMD: NURSE: The other nurses and I bought you this box of chocolates for Valentines Day! DR DOG: You're joking, right?
@UncleDuke1969: *wakes up at the crack of Dawn* *instantly regrets drunk dialing Dawn last night*