@SamGirlSunday: If Kim Kardashian & Snooki were drowning & I could only save one, I'd have a hard time deciding whether to make a sandwich or take a nap.
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@Spaziotwat: I can finish The Times' crossword in under five minutes but I struggle to eat the whole paper
@iscoff: if you eat one piece of bread shortly after you're born and another piece right before you die, all food is a sandwich
@oakhillbargrill: - grabs leash - grabs phone - takes dog out for walk - pulls out phone - checks Twitter - walks dog to South America
@ClichedOut: HER: hey, do u come here often? ME: all the time HER: do u know if the bartender is single?