@shatterpants: If Kung Fu Panda taught me anything, it's that obese people can be accepted...so long as they know kung fu.
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@WilliamAder: My wife's returning today after an 8-day trip, so I should probably dampen the kitchen sponge and re-position it.
@MUMSIEesq: SECURITY GUARD: You can't bring open containers of alcohol in here. ME: This is a service beer.