@fillthevacuum: If lemonade is made from lemons, what's a colonnade made from?
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@LeBearGirdle: Wife: [watching the news] oh God, did you see Petsmart got robbed?! Me: [loud barks coming from all 19 pockets of my parachute pants] nope
@JohnHilsen: If you stare in a mirror long enough and start screaming, you'll see angry faces of figures dressed in orange. *only works at Home Depot
@ruinedpicnic: me: did you check the suggestion box boss: we don't have a suggestion box we have a paper shredder me: MY DRAWINGS