@Shock_Monster: If life had a 'CTRL + ALT + DEL' option, you bet your ass I'd be hitting that thing about 14 times a day.
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@AndyAsAdjective: [reading dinosaur book] 8YR OLD: that’s a pterodactyl ME: actually sweetie, it's a pteranodon…pterodactyl is a pterosaur genus 8: how did you ever get laid?
@DanMentos: *rings bell* "Can I help you?" Yes I'd like a dragon on my back an- *starts pooping on a crucifix* WTF? *checks sign on door* "Taboo Artist"
@kwirkyKerri: Shout out to girls that have a relationship with prisoners. At least they always know where their man is at.