@IamEnidColeslaw: if Lindsay Lohan can call herself an artist, I can call myself a german shepherd
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@shanethevein: Whenever I leave a fancy restaurant I tell the people coming in "I recommend the squirrel".
@MUMSIEesq: SECURITY GUARD: You can't bring open containers of alcohol in here. ME: This is a service beer.
@TheLastVirgo: The moral of Little Red Riding Hood is: 1) Never trust strangers; 2) Learn to differentiate facial features between a wild dog & a human.
@LMHPhotog: Asked a librarian for a book about Pavlov's dog & Schrödinger's cat. She said it rang a bell, but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.