@IamEnidColeslaw: if Lindsay Lohan can call herself an artist, I can call myself a german shepherd
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@JohnLyonTweets: *walks into alma mater carrying English degree* I'd like a refund, please. This did not work as promised.
@House_Feminist: "They say some of history's greatest minds could function on very little sleep" I explain to squirrel as I water the car at 4am
@TwoSapphiresBlu: Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and wonder, "Do my children just spit directly at their face when brushing their teeth?"