@PopeFrancisXXX: If Mary gave birth to Jesus & Jesus is the lamb of God, then did Mary have a little lamb?
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@KeetPotato: [dog paws your leg when you stop stroking his head] 1st time: "aww cuuuute" 2nd time: "ha okay" 3rd time: "i am trapped in a nightmare"
@TheAlexNevil: Pro Tip: don't fall asleep during the middle of an argument with your spouse over whether or not you pay attention to her.
@MadameSnippy: I'm the only stalker I know with OCD. After I break in to watch you sleep, I fold your laundry.
@SoVeryBritish: Things that cause extreme panic: - Accidentally liking a Tweet - No milk - Unknown numbers - The question "you don't remember me do you?"