@juliussharpe: If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they'd shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
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@JakeAupperle: Cashier: Cute kid, how old? Mom: Thank you, 28 months & 4days. What's my total? Cashier: Your total is 756 quarters & 8 dimes. #cashierlife
@notacroc: [alternate universe where jesus christ's name was jeffy spaghetti] ME: *hears some horrible news* jeffy spaghetti
@ASpiker: I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren't we helping to find them?