@juliussharpe: If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they'd shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
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@EndhooS: Lifeguard: SHARK! GET OUT OF THE WATER Me: [Remembers 150 people are killed by falling coconuts every year & only 5 from shark attacks] ..No
@DevilryFun: I got a facial tonight by hovering over the boiling water before throwing in the mac n cheese.
@spicy_peen: What medications do I take? I'm not sure. The names on my neighbor's prescription bottles are ridiculously long