@tpurvis06: If men had periods our commercials would be awesome...
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@ComedicBust: As soon as I get to a party, I start saying goodbye; that way I'm out of there within 4 hours.
@EtobicokeErnie: Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.
@Black__Elvis: My favorite episode of Friends is the one where blacks mysteriously vanish and unemployed white people find affordable housing in Manhattan.
@JElvisWeinstein: People belittle the internet "talking about a dress" as if we're busy solving problems otherwise.