@n0tblonde: If mental stability was measured by the type of tweets we laughed at, straight jackets would be the new black.
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@AnkCoupleTO: Looks like the concierge is hitting on my wife again but who cares, this cherry danish I'm eating right now is on point nom nom nom!
@TheAlexNevil: 2017 Resolution: spend more quality time with my son *son begins describing his 500 new Pokémon cards* Well, there's always next year
@jamitupin: The question is not what am I doing in your house, the question is why are you home from work early?