@withanewname: If Miley doesn't get her shit together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college
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@jazmasta: "I feel like a failure, doc. I've got 5 boys and they ALL work as hotel valets" "Wow this is the worst case of parking sons I've ever seen!"
@foxnerdrn: I feel like my parents grossly overstated the number of times I'd be offered candy by strangers.
@ChrisScarlette: [pizza delivery] Girl: Is there an other way I can pay you? *bites lip* uh HELL YEAH! *pulls out phone* see that RT button?
@saxbot: 9 out of 10 people agree that it's weird to stand on top of the toilet and ask them survey questions over the stall wall.