@IGotsSmarts: If Minnie Driver married Bradley Cooper her name would be oh god I can't even finish this one
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@KyleMcDowell86: If I learned anything from Aladdin it was that if u just keep lying to a girl eventually u will get to marry her and live at her dad's house
@Tups13: There's no use crying over spilt milk. Particularly skimmed milk. Skimmed milk is watery enough without you sobbing into it.
@Brianhopecomedy: *wife stares at me* *I stare at her* *she frowns* *I smile* "You didn't notice my new-" "NICE HAIRCUT AND GLASSES." "Dress."