@TedOfficialPage: If Mitt Romney was president, we'd blame everything on him. "Damn why is it so cold outside? It wasn't this cold when Obama was president."
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@FreudsTwin: The funny thing about fast food is, that it slows down the people who eat it.
@BuckyIsotope: [deathbed] Son….come closer “Yes dad?” We need a new man of the house “I’d-” *presses fake mustache into his hands* Give this to your sister
@purplefuzzygirl: Men love when you kiss their neck.. Just not when they're driving And you're in the backseat. And they don't know you. Apparently.
@Glitta_J: If im walking around with my arms crossed, there's a 90% chance im not mad...Im just probably not wearing a bra
@Jessthesav: When #WasteHisTime2016 backfires on you
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