@TedOfficialPage: If Mitt Romney was president, we'd blame everything on him. "Damn why is it so cold outside? It wasn't this cold when Obama was president."
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@mstluvstrinkets: Playing play doh w/ 3 is just her ordering me to "make elephant! Now teapot!" As if I have the artistic ability to create more than a ball.
@MandiAtRandom: Forgot to do laundry again. I bet everyone at work is going to love my prom dress.
@_knuck_: *wife & I finally look up from our phones after 9 months* "Have you had the kid yet?" -No "Well, I'm level 77 on candy crush."
@thepunningman: Passer-by: hey buddy, do you have change for the phonebox? Clark Kent: why would I change in a phonebox? P: I didnt- CK: I'm not Superman