@LurkAtHomeMom: If my 6 year old tells me someone was "mean to him" I never know if they stole his bike or tried to cook him a healthy meal.
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@rzarosco: Ask a girl if she wants to dance. If she says yes then start shooting at her feet. Congratulations you are now Yosemite Sam
@ProdigyNelson: *girl calls me daddy* *hammer appears in my hand* "oh no" *I start building a deck* "what have you done" *grill turns itself on*
@TheAlexNevil: 7 barges into bathroom while I'm showering, laughs & says "I saw your peanut." He either mispronounced a word or made a hurtful observation.