@Jenny4ashley: If my boyfriend ever cheated on me I'd be like omg I have a boyfriend :)
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@Blondiethegood: There is no panic like the panic you feel when you think you may have clogged the toilet at someone else's house.
@ceejoyner: wife: you're listening to too much theatrical heavy metal Me: behold! The weaver of lies! A dark seamstress of shadows lurks amongst us
@JesKeepSwimming: The ones you keep closest to your heart hurt you the most. Like the underwire in my bra that tried to stab me.
@LnL245: I secretly gave our Waffle House waitress a $100 tip and my family can't figure out why she's crying & hugging me & trying to get in our car