@lilgapeach30: If my co-worker says ValenTIMES one more time, I'ma need one of you to make good on the "I'll help you hide a body" promise.
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@iAmDelFreaky: Doc: Let's check your reflexes. Me: I have the reflexes of a cat. Doc: *hits my knee with a hammer* Me: MEOW! *scratches Doc's eyes out*
@ariscott: Please God, let the weather be nice for my picnic. There are 7 billion people on this planet. Many starving. Please hear my picnic prayer.
@zachreinert03: Hey people who say 'I want my funeral to be like this': what are you going to do about it if they don't do it like that?
@MrFornicator: People who say gays are destroying the fabric of society have obviously never seen what a gay man can do with fabric.