@QwertyJones3: If my company really wanted us to move during a fire drill, they'd lose the alarm and just announce that there's free food by the stairs.
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@Xoolun: Being a single man has to be depressing when you think that even a guy like Hitler had a girlfriend.
@david8hughes: My friend got bitten by a snake and he fell to the floor and started writhing around. It's amazing how fast the super powers kick in.
@stephenjmolloy: Wife: "Tony is coming round" Me: "Charity collector Tony or Mafia boss Tony?" Tony: "I'm here for the money." *DRAMATIC CLIFFHANGER*