@LivibelsDada: If my dad were alive today he would say, "Mark stop telling people I'm dead"
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@goldengateblond: LIFE HACK: Make your waist feel dramatically smaller by accidentally trying on maternity pants.
@jferg1616: Boss: "We are all going to have a bunch of Red Bull, bust out the chest of Adderall, be laser focused for about 4 hours, then die."
@Shock_Monster: "Hey, let's get the guys that built the Obamacare website to update our app!" - Twitter