@Carbosly: If my husband doesn't like my cooking, he can buy his meth somewhere else.
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@HuffPostComedy: Louis C.K. perfectly sums up Boston accents in his new special 'Live At The Comedy Store'
@Mr_Kapowski: My favorite thing about being a parent is lying to my kid Me: The doctor cuts off our tails when we're born 8 y/o daughter: Wife: ZACK!
@jenyb4: The only way I'd want to watch a video of you pouring a bucket of ice water over your head is if you promise you drown at the end.
@badAzz_mom: Don't make eye contact Don't make eye contact Don't make eye contact "Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies?" SURE! ...bringing the total amount of cookies to 348