@Carbosly: If my husband doesn't like my cooking, he can buy his meth somewhere else.
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@WheelTod: "Dad?" "Yes, son?" "Where do busboys come from?" "Well, son. When a boy loves a bus very, very much..."
@robfee: Worst things the parents do on Home Alone: 3. Never punish Buzz 2. Forget one of their kids 1. Try to make everyone drink milk with pizza
@flashember: [after robots take over] *drones crash into my kitchen* ME: [mouthful of ham] whobithrayed me? *fridge starts laughing* BUT U WERE MY FABRIT