@Carbosly: If my husband doesn't like my cooking, he can buy his meth somewhere else.
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@lanyardigan: If I ever get the chance to reveal a chupacabra to the world, I hope I have the presence of mind to say, "Chupacadabra!"
@KeetPotato: doc: "your dad's been in a coma for 9 days, we're running out of ideas" me: "let me try" [goes to adjust thermostat] dad: [opens one eye]
@iwearaonesie: friend: Try this me[takes drink] It's wine friend: Did you detect a hint of anything? me:Alcohol friend: But what did it taste like? me:Wine
@AristotlesNZ: Your Honor, for our opening motion in this murder trial, the defense would like to submit, as exhibit A, the victim's ringtone.