@simoncholland: If my kids knew there was a light in the oven, they'd leave that one on too.
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@KalvinMacleod: CASHIER: would you like to donate one dollar to charity? ME: no thank you SATAN (sitting on a throne made of human skulls): excellent choice
@Dawn_M_: If you carry a knife in your mouth, people wont ask you what your Valentines Day plans are.
@007Rex_Inc: M: Come to bed... Her: I have a headache M: You're a robot! H: M: H: ...SELF DESTRUCT [BOOM] M: Nice try but you're still under warranty!
@Amburglar_: "Ok J Lo, we have a movie for you." "Is the male lead obsessed with me?" "Yes." "I'll do it."