@OzCricketFan81: If my memory foam mattress really had "memory," it could write for Penthouse.
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@BlindChow: dog: i saw u out there me: what? dog: i saw u pet the neighbor dog me: i was just– dog: did u rub his belly? DID U ASK IF HE WAS A GOOD BOY?
@jwoodham: It's almost Christmas, which means it's almost time to hear my parents' new excuses for why Jennifer Lawrence isn't under the tree again.
@OneFunnyMummy: All that money and sleep was super annoying anyway. -lies parents tell themselves