@OzCricketFan81: If my memory foam mattress really had "memory," it could write for Penthouse.
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@iAmDelFreaky: Every time I eat a banana in public, a stranger offers me money to do it in private. I ate 32 bananas today & made $725. I have diarrhea.
@chelliet22: My daughter just informed me that 75% of you follow me because of how I look. I'm not sure if I'm flattered or insulted.
@NoTrophy4You: When I was 3 years old I looked at my nutsack and asked my Mom "Are these my brains?"."Not yet," she replied
@ElKnuckelhombre: A lady was spanking her kid for being a total brat in the grocery store so I had to step in and ask her if she needed me to hold her purse.