@JamesonN7: If my mother only knew the things I say on Twitter.......... I'd be sitting in the corner with a bar of soap in my mouth and grounded.
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@MichaelTrying: The worst part of being named Michael is repeatedly being broken up with via a text that states *drops Mike*
@iGreenMonk: How boring my life has become! The only time I hear myself say, "I'm coming" is when I'm trying to tell my dog I'm getting his food ready!
@dubstep4dads: JIM: I've got an idea. Let's call this place "Jimadelphia" [PHIL is creeping up from behind with a crowbar]
@raniao2011: I don't hold grudges or plot for revenge, I will simply send a bunch of Jehovah's witnesses to your door...on a daily basis.