@JamesonN7: If my mother only knew the things I say on Twitter.......... I'd be sitting in the corner with a bar of soap in my mouth and grounded.
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@thesulk: I think Sandra Bullock chooses movies based solely on the number of times she can say "Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"
@staceys55: Police: "You were going fast." Me: "I was trying to keep up with traffic." Police: "There isn't any." Me: "That's how far behind I am!"
@Owl_Meat: captain: enemy sub approaching, activate the sauna 1st mate: dont you mean sonar captain (already in towel): full steam ahead