@AmericanGent69: If my name was Simon I would always talk in the third person when telling someone to do something.
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@notacroc: *Japanese Zen garden tour* Guide: It's important to be quiet & not disturb the- *Me from back eating huge bag of chips*: DUDE WE CANT HEAR U
@3sunzzz: 6yo: What is a solar eclipse? Me: Have you ever been outside in the dark? 6yo: yeah Me: same idea
@sofarrsogud: My therapist advised me to feed and water my kids and cook my plants 3 meals a day. And something about listening.
@Sorrowscopes: Aries: You will be visited by three ghosts this Christmas. They're all married, so don't even ask.