@AmericanGent69: If my name was Simon I would always talk in the third person when telling someone to do something.
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@ambamthankyamam: I saved my husband's life insurance company 1 million dollars by switching to xanax.
@batkaren: Whenever I see WHOA spelled as WOAH, I assume it's referring to Noah's evil twin whose Ark housed all the insect and arachnid life.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: *calls* How are my kids? Grandma: We're having so much fun Me: Maybe they can stay with you a few extra- Grandma: Come get your kids.