@AmericanGent69: If my name was Simon I would always talk in the third person when telling someone to do something.
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@DaddyJew: Sneaking up on me from behind while I'm doing dishes is a super fun way to get yourself stabbed with a steak knife
@MsCarlissima: To convince my boss that I'm keeping busy, I periodically yell "YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?" into my phone, then slam down the receiver.
@Staggfilms: Rock Singer: I SAID, YOU READY TO HAVE A GOOD TIME? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! Me: DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT WE DON'T HAVE MICROPHONES ON THIS SIDE?!