@SaraThomas84: If my phone is so "smart" how come it keeps letting me drunk dial my ex
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@davedittell: *takes load of groceries off of old woman's hands* these are mine now you old prune
@zachreinert03: I got fired from being the events coordinator at the local orphanage. I think it's cause family day never really took off
@TheDairylandDon: I swallow at least one note per meal that says "we're all really proud of you," in case the person who does my autopsy is having a bad day.