@SaraThomas84: If my phone is so "smart" how come it keeps letting me drunk dial my ex
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@GaryJanetti: Apple is developing an iPhone that pregnant women can swallow so fetuses can go online since they have nothing else to do in there.
@graceful_asfuck: Family: come play dodgeball Me: nah Fam: oh come on Me: no thanks Fam: JUST PLAY Me: *nails 6 year old in the face*
@YeahDrewisOn: Sure he's handsome, funny, smart, charming and successful, but can he fit 54 M&M's in his mouth at once? I didn' fink fo