@LanieLalaBugs: If my psychiatrist said "There's really nothing more I can do for you", that means I'm cured right??
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@iGreenMonk: How boring my life has become! The only time I hear myself say, "I'm coming" is when I'm trying to tell my dog I'm getting his food ready!
@Merman_Melville: Why doesn't anyone put the whole football on their mouth like a pelican and pretend they don't have it
@unburdenunbound: Google would like to use your current location. Allow/Deny? Allow *100 Google employees throw a party at my house*
@AbrasiveGhost: [Me being beaten to death w/ can of frozen veggies] "Oh peas no!" [WHAP] "Why u bean like this?" [SMACK] "Don't u carrot all?" [CRACK]