@LanieLalaBugs: If my psychiatrist said "There's really nothing more I can do for you", that means I'm cured right??
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@CourtneyBale: [courtroom] Timothy: I was not involved Victor: Nor was I Lawyer: You could say it was a Vic-, Tim-less cri- Judge: You're all going to jail
@chadopitz: Tom Cruise does all of his own stunts because death is the only way out of the Church of Scientology.
@DurtMcHurtt: Make new friends by waking up strangers with forehead kisses after they've fallen asleep on the train.
@merican_ninjy: I gave my wife a tip how she could wash the dishes better. On a side note, Dawn detergent is really starting to make my hands more soft.