@WilliamAder: If my wife ever hired a private detective to follow me, it would be to get pictures of me not using the coupons I said I used.
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@joebirbigs: I would have got the Google Glass but I don't have $1500 or any desire to strap the internet to my face.
@Love_bug1016: If only the workout your thumbs get from scrolling on your phone would go to your abs.
@HelsNotAllowed: My boyfriend isn't allowed to go to the Zoo without me, he might see all his ex's there...