@WilliamAder: If my wife ever hired a private detective to follow me, it would be to get pictures of me not using the coupons I said I used.
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@Donna_McCoy: No honey, there isn't a neighbor working with a nail gun this early. That was just my knees creaking when I got out of bed.
@LoverOfComics94: Money doesn’t grow on trees. Your move, multinational agricultural biotechnology corporations.
@BritXNic: Don't argue with strangers on the Internet. Save up all that negative energy for your coworkers and door to door salesmen.
@BBQJones28: Shout out to the dude who's followed and unfollowed approximately 25632 times this week.