@WilliamAder: If my wife ever hired a private detective to follow me, it would be to get pictures of me not using the coupons I said I used.
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@mrtruthandsoul: Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
@topaz_kell: Rage against the machine is what I do when my candy bar gets stuck and won't drop down.
@dafloydsta: ME: Not gonna make it in today. I hurt my updog. BOSS: What's updog? ME: Nothing much, prolly just gonna take a nap.
@STitusR: Taking my dog out in below zero weather brings one thought to mind. I should have gotten a cat.