@TheNardvark: If Natalie Portman dated Jacques Cousteau they would win celebrity couple nicknaming forever with "Portmanteau."
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@panmidwest: ME: it's spelled "kevin" but pronounced "kev-a-vin" INTERVIEWER: you're fired ME: you haven't even hired me yet INTERVIEWER: you're fired
@causticbob: God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan"
@InternetHippo: If all millennials suddenly died the next day’s article would be “How millennials are driving up funeral costs”