@Eoisit: If no amount of evidence will ever change your mind on an issue, then as Einstein said: "You've been given a large brain by mistake."
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@murrman5: [wife looking at sketch of donut burglar on the news] "he looks like you" [me holding huge glass of milk on way to basement] it's not though
@InternetHippo: ME: Why can’t everyone just be nice EVERYONE: Why can’t you ME: Don’t change the subject
@tastefactory: [ghost writes YOUR DEAD in condensation on bathroom mirror] "My dead what?" [ghost writes *YOU'RE] AAHHHHHHHHHH!
@Reverend_Scott: customer service: so the vacuum works just fine but you want to return it cuz it's... too loud? me: [looks over at dog] that is correct