@evanR39: If one door closes and another door opens, then probably your in a jail.
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@GinAndJif: I vacuumed up a giant spider, so now I just have to leave the hoover running for the rest of my life so it can't get out again.
@ItsAndyRyan: PIG: "I'm paranoid everyone's trying to turn me into bacon" PSYCHIATRIST: "I'll cure you" PIG: "Oh God, not you too"
@fro_vo: Dr: you have pneumonia Hillary: what's pneumonia Me: *fighting off secret service* not much monia what's pneu with you