@o__0Dev: If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
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@StephanieOKC: Someone needs to tell Madonna you can't call it "Girls Gone Wild" when you're a 100.
@dinokitten: *at adoption center* "Okay yeah they're all great and all, but which one is the most photogenic for Facebook and stuff like that"
@thepunningman: [on deathbed] "Tell my Wif... *cough*" Yes? Tell her what? "Tell my Wifi provider their broadband speeds were moderate at best" [dies]