@ParaComedian09: If only ISIS had kidnapped Liam Neeson's daughter, none of this would be an issue.
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@MsLighthouseCat: Texans can't comprehend vegans. We just think their barbeque grills are broken.
@MsCarlissima: My car starts to hydroplane. I let go & whisper, "Do it. Become the plane you've always dreamed of. I love you." *Soft kiss*
@Vodkantots: Get your therapist to start taking you seriously by pulling a donut out of your purse.
@XplodingUnicorn: 3-year-old: Daddy, I love you *hugs me* Me: I love y- Did you wipe your mouth on my shirt? Most of fatherhood is just being a good napkin.