@GabbbarSingh: If only Lord Ram used Apple maps to reach Ayodhya, Beijing would have been celebrating Diwali today.
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@SuperJuanderer: If a spider attacks you, you should play dead. No, wait... that's for a bear. If a spider attacks a bear, you should play dead.
@TheToddWilliams: LASSIE: Arf! What's that girl? Timmy's in the old well? L: Arf arf He's dead? You sure? L: Arf! Okay here's a check for $5K L: ima need cash
@MrMildSauce: Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you've done with the place.
@EliTerry: I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in a file named FIREWORKS AND VACUUMS so my dog won't find them.