@Love_bug1016: If only the workout your thumbs get from scrolling on your phone would go to your abs.
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@AtticusFinch79: [meeting the parents] Dad: what do you think of Baroque? Me: *trying to impress him* you should see my bank account. Im always broke.
@FloodyHippie: I support Greenpeace because I care about environmental activism, just not enough to do any of the real work myself.
@yassinovic89: Women's logic: I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.