@Xalqee: If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a loser
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@LaceyNycole: When a bite of food falls off your plate... And you just stare at it on the ground like, "We could've made each other happy..."
@pleatedjeans: Wife: did you know there's an "I hate Jeff" group that meets in the park? Me: yes I started it I am the president
@RoosterMustache: "My cat just got ran over" You cant end a sentence with a preposition "My cat just got ran over lol"