@Xalqee: If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a loser
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@kyry5: At a business meeting: "How about SuperCupid?" "No, expectations will be too high" "GreatCupid?" "Lower" "Uhhh, OKCupid?" "Brilliant"
@geowizzacist: *Takes our kid away so my wife can have a break* *Takes kid to pub* *Bumps into wife at pub*
@DurtMcHurtt: Her: Stop stalling and sign the divorce papers. Me: *does "the divorce papers" in sign language* THERE I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY
@Sickayduh: "911 what's your emergency?" - I've been catfished by a dozen men "We're on our way" - Gonna arrest them? "Gonna shut off your internet"