@SuSuSuDonym: If Paula Deen's new cookbook isn't titled 'Fifty Shades of Gravy', I'm going to lose a considerable amount of money on the bet I just made.
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@i_wasnt_looking: I can't stand fake people. Unless you're with me and we are faking that we are sober for a cop. Then you need to be Oscar winning fake.
@NigelGrinstead: ME: My name is Nigel and I'm an alcoholic. AA GROUP: Hi Nigel. *cut to confessional camera* ME: I'm here to WIN, not to make friends.
@RunwayDan: The word "defenestration" means "to throw someone out a window." Which means this happens so often we needed a word for it.
@DawleyGirl: Dinner conversation: 10YO: What 6 things would you want on a deserted island? Me: 1) You-- 10YO: Seriously? Why would you drag me into that?