@bencoffeehall: If peeing was an Olympic event, I would win gold. But then I would miss the awards ceremony because I was taking a leak.
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@EndhooS: [Last supper] Jesus: Same time next week guys? *they all nod* Judas: I'll book a table for 12 Jesus: you mean 13 Judas: yeah..13, I meant 13
@iGreenMonk: I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators... All I wanted was to complete the circle of life.
@fuzzlime: Tweriod: That time of the month when all my tweets are moody, retain water and are about chocolate and cheesecake