@bencoffeehall: If peeing was an Olympic event, I would win gold. But then I would miss the awards ceremony because I was taking a leak.
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@squirrel74wkgn: Me (answers phone): HELL-o Mom: Hi, honey. Your Dad is trying to change the time on the VCR you bought us in 83 Me: Please leave a message
@CornOnTheGoblin: °pulls up to drive-thru° [ME] ONE NUMBER 4 WITH A COKE [FREIND] aren't you on a diet [ME] oh yeah..AND A BOOK ABOUT MANNERS FOR MY FRIEND
@MatCro: PROFESSOR X: Quick! Magneto, save that bus full of kids! MAGENTO: I think you've got the wrong guy. *turns everything purple*