@randomnloveit: If people are going to judge me they should at least hold up scorecards so I know how I'm doing.
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@djdarrellripley: Cop: Could I have your name? Me: Well, you could, but it would be an incredible coincidence. *Send Bail Money*
@JamesonN7: If my mother only knew the things I say on Twitter.......... I'd be sitting in the corner with a bar of soap in my mouth and grounded.
@phalguy: Realtor: This house here comes with a playroom Wife: Oh, the kids will love that! Realtor: It's not that kind of playroom Husband: Nice
@TheTweetOfGod: Instagram is experiencing difficulties. Until further notice, please cease visually chronicling the tedious mundanities of your life.