@gitson_shiggles: If people on Twitter found a horses' head in their bed at least 3/4 of them would get a selfie with it before calling the cops.....
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@Storminika: Me: 'Why are you going through my phone?' BF: 'Do you have something to hide?' Me: 'I'm gonna have a body to hide if you keep it up.'
@BackrowSeats: Log Entry 21: it's been 3 weeks & we're still lost in this Macy's. We were forced to eat Amy. Polo ties are now 40% off.
@gerryhallcomedy: My french toast just surrendered to my german sausage. Breakfast is weird at my house.
@jonnysun: its a good thing we swallow 8 spiders a year bc if it werent for those spiders, we'd be swalowing hundreds of flies and smaller insects