@nealbrennan: If people post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
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@Ygrene: Bully: This town isn't big enough for the 2 of us! Me: Oh yeah? Bully: Yeah! Me: Come at me bro *opens town expansion plan* and look at this
@TheDailySchmuck: I'm black but not " can't understand the Winter Olympics" black. Those guys in the ski race are running from cops on a bobsled, right?
@YUCKYBOT: The difference between my "Maine lobster" and my "main lobster" is boiling water or a high five.
@Caissie: A reboot of Dexter, but this time he stalks and kills people who crunch their disposable water bottles as they drink.