@nealbrennan: If people post just two more scripture quotes on Facebook, I will have officially read the entire bible.
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@tastefactory: I have such a bad cold that when I breathe through my nose, it sounds like Marge Simpson sighing/expressing disapproval.
@omgthatspunny: Atheists don't solve exponential equations because they don't believe in higher powers.
@darkmatter_wimp: I'm on a new diet where all I eat is soup on weekdays. It's called: Miso Hungry.