@aveuaskew: If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker.
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@longwall26: One time dad asked what my five-year plan was, and I said "death or becoming a pirate king" and he threw my cat Alan at me
@sween: If I had a time machine, I'd go back in time to just before a famous person was supposed to be assassinated and borrow money from them.
@dorkwing_duck: Me: how long are you gonna sit there picking your nose? I tried to be polite but this is absurd Potato Head: I want to look good on my date
@SortaBad: i imagine the people who slaved for years perfecting the google search algorithm would be so mad knowing i mainly use it now for spellcheck