@ashleycrem: If pharmaceutical companies have taught me anything, they've taught me that people with life threatening illnesses love to hike.
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@LeBearGirdle: [invents time machine and goes back to the dinosaurs] "in a few years its gonna be really cold" *hands them mixtape* "you're gone need this"
@DanLaMorte: Kids here's a tip. Next Christmas leave Santa marijuana cookies and watch how happy your parents magically become the next morning
@GlennyRodge: "ENTER PASSWORD" *types 'snowflake'* "RE-ENTER PASSWORD" *types 'snowflake'* "ERROR. PASSWORDS MUST BE IDENTICAL".
@dysalexia: Pulled out all of my eyelashes so I can make more wishes. 1st wish: MONEY! 2nd wish: FRIENDS! 3rd wish: eyelashes :(